Note: If you've not had the opportunity to read the foreword or previous chapters and would like to, please look for the title of this writing under the "Blog Pages" tab above and click on it. You'll find what's available to date under that tab. jbh
The Passion Well
Chapter 8:
Jumpin' Out Of The Frying Pan Into ...
I was in the cab of my truck one day driving on my way to work when my frustration finally all just came busting out with exasperated venom while looking up and thumping my fist against the windshield. "I've decided that you really don't love me! I've tried to do everything I'm supposed to do for you and you still don't care! You can't convince me that you love me! I've gone to church and I've prayed and prayed to you and you don't listen! You don't answer! You don't love me!" It was loud, it was accusatory, it was heartfelt ... and it was awful!!! ... Three days later while I was at work I received a phone call. He had finally responded - our house was on fire. That was my perspective...
Now I'm sure there will be a number of people who will immediately want to tell me that that wasn't our God - He doesn't work like that! He wouldn't allow my house to catch on fire like that. Well, I would lovingly explain without any animosity that I think they're mistaken. Think of our Lord's dealings with the children of Israel and all of His efforts to drive them back toward Himself. And please don't try to convince me that The Father doesn't chasten whom He loves - it's been recorded ... and He loves me passionately.
When it's God that moves or allows something, we need to remember: 1. That there's absolutely a good eternal intention behind it, 2. There's nothing that He's ever given that He can't take back and nothing that He's ever taken back that He can't provide again - He knows that and He's always known that. We're the ones that freak out in distrust of Him and in the weakness of our flesh and spiritual immaturity ... our perspective.
He's the perfect father - loving and faithful enough to chase after the children that He loves in order to save them from destruction - even if that sometimes means saving them from themselves. In His perspective, the things that we struggle with in this temporal life are equally temporary and momentary. There's much molding, trimming and shaping to be done if we are to have any resemblance to Christ's image and it's not necessarily a comfortable process. But in His loving kindness toward us, He undertakes the task toward our eternal benefit even while He Himself feels our pain because of the depth of His love for us.
Sometimes I think we have a tendency to think that if our impression of our heavenly Father isn't just a picture of puppies, flowers and butterflies, there's something wrong with us. But truthfully, if someone that you very dearly loved was in danger, would you wave and blow kisses? Or would you make the effort to save them even if you knew that it might cause some discomfort to them in the rescue? I think we have a tendency to like to take things in life and pack them into manageable little boxes and store them in neat little rows in our thinking because it's easier for us humans to understand and manage them within the limits of our capacity. But our God is sovereign and unlimited in His capacity, abilities and His perspective. It's our limited ability to grasp the unlimited that leaves us wanting - so all that's left to us sometimes ... is simply to trust...
When the house caught fire, it burned a portion of the second story and left a gaping hole in the roof. In it's wake, the fire left the whole house severely smoke damaged (along with everything we owned) and saturated with water from the fire department's efforts to put it out. Water from upstairs came downstairs through the floor and the walls. It was a family disaster of epic proportions (we had 6 children at the time). So we lived in two travel trailers in our driveway for about 3 months while I worked day and night in an effort to restore something of our lives. I had my own subcontracting business at the time and had other jobs around the state that I was obligated to attend to which left me doing much of the work in the evening, on weekends and at night. But in the end, the result of the whole ordeal was nothing short of miraculous.
Now, so that you don't get the wrong idea, let me say very clearly - the credit for what came out of this catastrophe belongs solely to my Lord who answered me in an undeniable way and helped me in awesome ways through the whole process of restoration. But His answer was one that tested and began to forever settle my trust issues and the question of whether He loved me and was listening. Of course, we know that the ultimate expression of His love is undeniable and clear - that He died on the cross to spare us from what we ourselves deserved by our own doing against His standard. But in the troubled and wounded mind of a passionate and still confused young man, He reiterated what should have already been forever resolved.
The end result of reconstruction was almost too much to take in. The house was restored far beyond its previous condition and we were consequently able to get a traditional home loan thereby securing the house. All of our furniture, possessions and clothing had been ruined and were consequently replaced with new along with all of the materials we needed for the rebuilding of the house. The life change across the board that followed the disaster was tremendous and almost beyond our ability to comprehend. It was new! It was all new! No more incessantly leaky plumbing. No more freezing cold drafts in the house. No leaky roof! We had insulation and new windows that stopped the drafts. We had a furnace system that could actually warm the whole house - no more fireplace! My rare free time was no longer committed to continuous and unending repairs. It was beyond anything we could have imagined before ... and it specifically addressed every one of the complaints and requests I had made in frustration in a number of different ways. Business took off soon after and things began to come together all around.
***
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
***
But the earlier question of why my dad and my dad-in-law were taken as they were so suddenly still remained painful, raw and unanswered. I knew now that at least He was still listening and that He did still care. However, with my inability to understand the reasons why He could allow certain terrible things to happen on His watch, this only seemed to make things even a little more confusing for me. It still didn't reconcile in my heart. I continued to carry a heavy ache to understand and a deep grief for the loss of these two men and what I felt that I had lost in the void of their sudden absence. Their loss became a subject that I continually attempted to avoid in any conversation for the fear of breaking down emotionally. In fact, the emotions around all of it became so big in my own heart and mind that it prevented me from even revisiting their graves.
Why would this same God who has shown me his love multiple times still hurt me? I had learned something similar during my teen years and bore it in agony until I pushed the source of it away in anger and pain and kept it at arms length. My confusion made me so conflicted. I wanted so much to love Him without any fear, but was always waiting for the next round of pain to come. So I did as I had learned earlier in life, but with a new twist - I tried to love Him while still holding Him firmly at arms length ... and I moved on.
“God is too good to be unkind and He is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart.” Charles Spurgeon
If the page appears blank and you don't see the post that you're looking for, please scroll up.
The Passion Well
Chapter 8:
Jumpin' Out Of The Frying Pan Into ...
I was in the cab of my truck one day driving on my way to work when my frustration finally all just came busting out with exasperated venom while looking up and thumping my fist against the windshield. "I've decided that you really don't love me! I've tried to do everything I'm supposed to do for you and you still don't care! You can't convince me that you love me! I've gone to church and I've prayed and prayed to you and you don't listen! You don't answer! You don't love me!" It was loud, it was accusatory, it was heartfelt ... and it was awful!!! ... Three days later while I was at work I received a phone call. He had finally responded - our house was on fire. That was my perspective...
Now I'm sure there will be a number of people who will immediately want to tell me that that wasn't our God - He doesn't work like that! He wouldn't allow my house to catch on fire like that. Well, I would lovingly explain without any animosity that I think they're mistaken. Think of our Lord's dealings with the children of Israel and all of His efforts to drive them back toward Himself. And please don't try to convince me that The Father doesn't chasten whom He loves - it's been recorded ... and He loves me passionately.
When it's God that moves or allows something, we need to remember: 1. That there's absolutely a good eternal intention behind it, 2. There's nothing that He's ever given that He can't take back and nothing that He's ever taken back that He can't provide again - He knows that and He's always known that. We're the ones that freak out in distrust of Him and in the weakness of our flesh and spiritual immaturity ... our perspective.
He's the perfect father - loving and faithful enough to chase after the children that He loves in order to save them from destruction - even if that sometimes means saving them from themselves. In His perspective, the things that we struggle with in this temporal life are equally temporary and momentary. There's much molding, trimming and shaping to be done if we are to have any resemblance to Christ's image and it's not necessarily a comfortable process. But in His loving kindness toward us, He undertakes the task toward our eternal benefit even while He Himself feels our pain because of the depth of His love for us.
Sometimes I think we have a tendency to think that if our impression of our heavenly Father isn't just a picture of puppies, flowers and butterflies, there's something wrong with us. But truthfully, if someone that you very dearly loved was in danger, would you wave and blow kisses? Or would you make the effort to save them even if you knew that it might cause some discomfort to them in the rescue? I think we have a tendency to like to take things in life and pack them into manageable little boxes and store them in neat little rows in our thinking because it's easier for us humans to understand and manage them within the limits of our capacity. But our God is sovereign and unlimited in His capacity, abilities and His perspective. It's our limited ability to grasp the unlimited that leaves us wanting - so all that's left to us sometimes ... is simply to trust...
When the house caught fire, it burned a portion of the second story and left a gaping hole in the roof. In it's wake, the fire left the whole house severely smoke damaged (along with everything we owned) and saturated with water from the fire department's efforts to put it out. Water from upstairs came downstairs through the floor and the walls. It was a family disaster of epic proportions (we had 6 children at the time). So we lived in two travel trailers in our driveway for about 3 months while I worked day and night in an effort to restore something of our lives. I had my own subcontracting business at the time and had other jobs around the state that I was obligated to attend to which left me doing much of the work in the evening, on weekends and at night. But in the end, the result of the whole ordeal was nothing short of miraculous.
Now, so that you don't get the wrong idea, let me say very clearly - the credit for what came out of this catastrophe belongs solely to my Lord who answered me in an undeniable way and helped me in awesome ways through the whole process of restoration. But His answer was one that tested and began to forever settle my trust issues and the question of whether He loved me and was listening. Of course, we know that the ultimate expression of His love is undeniable and clear - that He died on the cross to spare us from what we ourselves deserved by our own doing against His standard. But in the troubled and wounded mind of a passionate and still confused young man, He reiterated what should have already been forever resolved.
The end result of reconstruction was almost too much to take in. The house was restored far beyond its previous condition and we were consequently able to get a traditional home loan thereby securing the house. All of our furniture, possessions and clothing had been ruined and were consequently replaced with new along with all of the materials we needed for the rebuilding of the house. The life change across the board that followed the disaster was tremendous and almost beyond our ability to comprehend. It was new! It was all new! No more incessantly leaky plumbing. No more freezing cold drafts in the house. No leaky roof! We had insulation and new windows that stopped the drafts. We had a furnace system that could actually warm the whole house - no more fireplace! My rare free time was no longer committed to continuous and unending repairs. It was beyond anything we could have imagined before ... and it specifically addressed every one of the complaints and requests I had made in frustration in a number of different ways. Business took off soon after and things began to come together all around.
***
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
***
But the earlier question of why my dad and my dad-in-law were taken as they were so suddenly still remained painful, raw and unanswered. I knew now that at least He was still listening and that He did still care. However, with my inability to understand the reasons why He could allow certain terrible things to happen on His watch, this only seemed to make things even a little more confusing for me. It still didn't reconcile in my heart. I continued to carry a heavy ache to understand and a deep grief for the loss of these two men and what I felt that I had lost in the void of their sudden absence. Their loss became a subject that I continually attempted to avoid in any conversation for the fear of breaking down emotionally. In fact, the emotions around all of it became so big in my own heart and mind that it prevented me from even revisiting their graves.
Why would this same God who has shown me his love multiple times still hurt me? I had learned something similar during my teen years and bore it in agony until I pushed the source of it away in anger and pain and kept it at arms length. My confusion made me so conflicted. I wanted so much to love Him without any fear, but was always waiting for the next round of pain to come. So I did as I had learned earlier in life, but with a new twist - I tried to love Him while still holding Him firmly at arms length ... and I moved on.
“God is too good to be unkind and He is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart.” Charles Spurgeon
If the page appears blank and you don't see the post that you're looking for, please scroll up.
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