The
Institution In The Mirror
(Before
we get into this chapter I need to say this very clearly and very
plainly: There are none of us without spot. We are all saved only by
Christ's astounding and merciful sacrifice. By His sacrifice He made
it possible for us to have recourse in dealing with sin and if we've
asked for God's forgiveness - then we have received it. Having been
forgiven, our God does not see us as former sinners - He doesn't even
remember our sins - He sees us now as the righteousness of Christ -
His holy Saints. My intention is to clarify and reiterate the truth -
not to bring conviction against things that no longer exist. Those
who need to will understand why I've placed this here as they read...
Now, on with the institution!)
Remember
the definition of marriage that I gave at the beginning of this
writing?
Marriage:
The joining of two hearts, spirits and bodies in a conjoined effort
as one to replicate the perfect relationship of Christ, the
Bridegroom to His Bride - His Church.
As
His children, we know that the institution of earthly marriage was
ordained by our God:
Genesis
2:19-24
19
So the LORD God formed from the soil every kind of animal and bird.
He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them, and Adam
chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock,
birds, and wild animals. But still there was no companion suitable
for him. 21 So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He
took one of Adam's ribs and closed up the place from which he had
taken it. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought
her to Adam. 23 "At last!" Adam exclaimed. "She is
part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called 'woman,' because
she was taken out of a man." 24 This explains why a man leaves
his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are
united into one.
Ok,
I'm going to take a little side trip for just a moment - I hope
you'll stay with me here. It ties cleanly into the subject of
marriage...
As
followers of Christ, we're not without direction and guidance in this
life either individually or conjoined as one in this sacred union of
marriage. We have only to consult His Word for the direction and
wisdom we need to navigate our course successfully. The vast majority
of any wisdom that we could possibly need or find ourselves asking
God for ... He's already provided. However, if we lack the diligence
and discipline to study the wisdom He's already given us, then it
won't be available when we need it - and we set ourselves up for
trouble. Without having the wisdom of God within us, our lives and
relationships including our marriages become a constant matter of
triage and repair rather than the stable positive success that our
God intends our lives and relationships to be. Living without it we
find ourselves in a constant state of remodel. But as we study the
Word of our God, it becomes food for our spirit and even if what we
read isn't clear to us at the time, it becomes available for the Holy
Spirit to bring to our remembrance when the need arises. Following
the whole of God's wisdom the first time out in anything we plan or
engage in will lead to our unfailing success the first time.
Jesus
of course, says it best ...
Matthew
7: 24-37
24"Anyone who listens to my
teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on
solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters
rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse,
because it is built on rock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and
ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27
When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house,
it will fall with a mighty crash."
For
example:
Ephesians
5:1-20
1
Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear
children. 2 Live a life filled with love for others, following the
example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to
take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was
like sweet perfume to him. 3 Let there be no sexual immorality,
impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's
people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes -- these
are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can
be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the
Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is really an
idolater who worships the things of this world. 6 Don't be fooled by
those who try to excuse these sins, for the terrible anger of God
comes upon all those who disobey him. 7 Don't participate in the
things these people do. 8 For though your hearts were once full of
darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior
should show it! 9 For this light within you produces only what is
good and right and true. 10 Try to find out what is pleasing to the
Lord. 11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness;
instead, rebuke and expose them. 12 It is shameful even to talk about
the things that ungodly people do in secret. 13 But when the light
shines on them, it becomes clear how evil these things are. 14 And
where your light shines, it will expose their evil deeds. This is why
it is said, "Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ
will give you light." 15 So be careful how you live, not as
fools but as those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every
opportunity for doing good in these evil days. 17 Don't act
thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.
18 Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life.
Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill and control you. 19 Then you will
sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, making
music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And you will always give thanks
for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus
Christ.
The
wealth of wisdom and direction in this one passage is amazing and it
has the potential to be incredibly life changing where it hasn't
previously been employed. But it doesn't stand alone - there's the
whole rest of scripture to add to it's wisdom to create the complete
picture we need. The fundamental and unfailing wisdom we need to be
successful in our relationship to our God, in our lives in general
and in the close intimate confines of our marriages is readily
available. The only real question is this: do we want to succeed bad
enough that we're willing to go after the perfect wisdom and
instruction of our God? If not, then we only have our own shameful
laziness to blame for the trouble that comes ...
Now
back to the primary topic...
What
we may not have taken the time to realize or acknowledge previously,
is that our marriages here are a reflection of another that's on a
higher and more sacred level:
Ephesians
5 (continued) 21-33
21 And further, you will submit to
one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 You wives will submit to
your husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of
his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his
life to be her Savior. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you
wives must submit to your husbands in everything. 25 And you husbands
must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He
gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by
baptism and God's word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a
glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.
Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way,
husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For
a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. 29 No one
hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares
for his body, which is the church. 30 And we are his body. 31 As the
Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is
joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." 32 This is
a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the
church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he
loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(For
any husband or husband-to-be who might feel that scripture places him
higher than his bride, I would call on you to continue to read the
previous scripture over again until those thoughts perish - until you
"get it".)
On
every level our relationship with our spouse should reflect the
relationship that exists between Christ and His Bride - He sacrificed
Himself for her and He loves her as Himself. Christ values the Church
(His Bride) high enough to deem her worthy of the price of His own
life. Except for those clear responsibilities and duties that God
assigns to us based on the sex that He chose to create us under - we
are equal before our God. If in doubt, pay close attention to verse 7
in 1st Peter 3 ...
1 Peter 3:1-7
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over 2 by watching your pure, godly behavior. 3 Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 That is the way the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, when she called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.
...
In any case, whether husband or wife, if we are each truly reflecting
Christ to our partner in our God-given roles there is no contention
for authority or position- only unity. Each of us must remember that
the partner we speak to and share sacred and intimate life with in
marriage is a holy daughter or son of the sovereign God ... and He
guards His children jealously. Our marriage to one of God's very own
children is a very sacred privilege
- one that is to be reverenced and administered in Christ's loving
spirit. It's also one that by His intention is
to be a lifelong commitment.
There's one word that
my wife and I agreed from the beginning of our marriage as Christians
to exclude from our vocabulary and from our minds: d-i-v-o-r-c-e. As
long as that dark back door/escape hatch doesn't exist, then we two
imperfect beings have no choice but to work our imperfections out
together and the commitment to do so remains strong. But if we don't
understand soberly from the very beginning that marriage was intended
by God to be a once in a life time permanent deal here on earth ...
there's a good possibility there could be trouble ... here's why:
In
every case except one, a true marriage is the melding of two
separate, wholly committed and imperfect beings into one. It's a
sacred covenant between two people from different households,
backgrounds and possibly even cultures (they have differences!). They
make a commitment that God intends to be irrevocable to work through
the process of unification in an institution ordained and recorded by
our God. But as long as there's an "out" that exists in our
hearts and minds, when things don't work out the way we "dreamed"
they would, the temptation to use it will always exist as well. It
can always be wielded as an unholy weapon or parachute in case of
emotional emergency.
satan
knows how important family is to Father God and if there is any, God
allows this to be His achilles heel because He chooses to love us.
This makes us (God's children) a target for satan's evil intentions
as a whole and our individual imperfections his refined target.
Nowhere on earth are his targets more clear and vulnerable than in
the intimate closeness of an unprotected marriage relationship. In
the closeness and intimacy of a marriage our imperfections are
exposed and become subject to exploitation if we're not in submission
first to Christ and then to one another.
The
potential reward of satan's wicked attacks on any marriage not in
obedience to God's word are huge because the destruction of that
relationship will without exception affect more than one person. The
potential exists to negatively influence the lives of the husband,
wife, any children from that covenant (throughout their lives) and
likely other relatives and people that know them. As husbands and
wives, we enable the impenetrable protection of our God to protect
not only us, but any others including our children, who would
otherwise be affected when we live in obedience to the wisdom of
God's Word and teachings.
I
may have alarmed some earlier by using the words "In every case
except one" and "
that God intends to be irrevocable". I'll explain the first a
little later, but right now let's deal with the second. Divorce is a
sad but acceptable statistic reality of today's society. It's
unfortunate, but it happens right? Well, as Christians, let's get
something straight between us - divorce is not something that God
instituted - Moses did that! God's intention has always been and
still is, that marriage is a LIFETIME covenant. Still not sure? Let's
start by being clear about God's feelings regarding divorce:
Malachi
2:16
"For
I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "It is
as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat," says the
LORD Almighty. "So guard yourself; always remain loyal to your
wife."
Wow ...
pretty straight up! It doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation.
If you consider the fact that as Christians we know God is
unchanging, then it doesn't leave much wiggle room. So, that being
true, why did He institute divorce? He didn't -
If in doubt read Jesus' own words:
Matthew
19:3-8
3
Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should
a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?"4 "Haven't
you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that
from the beginning 'God made them male and female.' 5 And he said,
'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined
to his wife, and the two are united into one.' 6Since they are no
longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them
together."7 "Then why did Moses say a man could merely
write an official letter of divorce and send her away?" they
asked. 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce as a concession
to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had
originally intended."
What
does Jesus mean by "hard-hearted wickedness" in Matthew 19?
Very simply stated, I think we could call it our failure or refusal
to represent God's heart toward one another in our marriage
relationships. Remember that our marriages here on earth are a
reflection of a relationship that's far more important and far more
eternally critical - perish the thought that Christ would
ever divorce us!!! Mark 10
recounts the same conversation, but verses: 11-12 reveal that Jesus
commented further:
Mark
10:11-12
11 He told them, "Whoever
divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against
her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and remarries, she
commits adultery."
To
my heart these two verses in Mark seem to reiterate that marriage is
intended by God to be a once in a lifetime covenant. Not something we
can just cast away and redo with someone else when we change our
minds for whatever reason. Perish the thought that Christ could ever
get tired of our imperfection and divorce us!
Among the common reasons that one might hear given for divorce: irreconcilable differences, infidelity, he/she aren't the person they used to be or that I thought they were, etc... In any case is there any reason that our holy, perfect God should not find cause to divorce us? I doubt very much that there are any human beings walking the face of this earth that have not offended Him in one way or another at some time in their life. If they exist, they're known only to Him and before anyone might seek to exonerate themselves, let's remember the words of our brothers Paul and James:
Romans 3:23
For all have
sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard
and
then:
James
2:10-14
10
And the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as
the person who has broken all of God's laws. 11 For the same God who
said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not
murder." So if you murder someone, you have broken the entire
law, even if you do not commit adultery. 12 So whenever you speak, or
whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love,
the law that set you free. 13 For there will be no mercy for you if
you have not been merciful to others. But if you have been merciful,
then God's mercy toward you will win out over his judgment against
you. 14 Dear brothers and sisters, what's the use of saying you have
faith if you don't prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can't
save anyone.
These
things being true, there can be no hierarchy of sins - no listing of
sins in order of severity because one is equally as bad as another in
Father God's eyes. And there's been no one that has managed to avoid
them all except Christ. So there is no one except Christ then who has
not committed a sin worthy of death. Keeping that in mind ask
yourself this: if Christ were standing in my shoes, how would He
respond in relationship to my spouse? Although Jesus is perfect where
we are not, our goal as Christians should always be to reflect Him -
to present His Spirit and attitude in every situation and every
moment without fail.
Colossians 3:13
13 You must make allowance for each
other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the
Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 And the most
important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds
us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes
from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are
all called to live in peace. And always be thankful. 16 Let the words
of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you
wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and
hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And
whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord
Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father. 18
You wives must submit to your husbands,
as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. 19 And you husbands
must love your wives and never treat them harshly.
Galatians
5:22-26
22
But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this
kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no
conflict with the law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have
nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross
and crucified them there. 25 If we are living now by the Holy Spirit,
let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives.
26 Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be
jealous of one another.
From
Him, there would be no harsh words spoken in anger, no selfishness,
and no individual pursuit or goal that doesn't include your spouse
and put them first. While representing Christ to our spouse, our own
needs would be secondary and we would approach them in love, humility
and opportunity for grace at every occasion.
There
can be no question that the spirit of Christ is both attractive and
uniting. So if both parties of any union respond to each other in His
spirit as He's taught, not only will there be no spirit of discord,
but only attraction and unity will blossom because of His positive
Spirit.
Being
human, we are none of us perfect, but the more we're able to
accurately reflect Christ's Spirit, the more perfect we become by His
grace to transform us. We will continue to have differences, but the
key to handling them successfully will be in handling them as Christ
would rather than in the spirit of this world and our flesh. We will
handle them differently than the world in its own failed wisdom
likely would. We're imperfect ... and our spouse is imperfect ... so
it's pretty much guranteed that at some point we will face ...
imperfection. But Christ chooses to cast aside our imperfections and
love us in spite of them. Reflecting Christ we have to view our
spouse as God views us ...
Ephesians
2: 1-10
1
Once you were dead, doomed forever because of your many sins. 2 You
used to live just like the rest of the world, full of sin, obeying
Satan, the mighty prince of the power of the air. He is the spirit at
work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. 3 All of us used
to live that way, following the passions and desires of our evil
nature. We were born with an evil nature, and we were under God's
anger just like everyone else. 4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he
loved us so very much, 5 that even while we were dead because of our
sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is
only by God's special favor that you have been saved!) 6 For he
raised us from the dead along with Christ, and we are seated with him
in the heavenly realms -- all because we are one with Christ Jesus. 7
And so God can always point to us as examples of the incredible
wealth of his favor and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has
done for us through Christ Jesus. 8 God saved you by his special
favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a
gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we
have done, so none of us can boast about it. 10 For we are God's
masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can
do the good things he planned for us long ago.
... and love
them in spite of their imperfections to walk hand in hand with them
as one, refining one another in Christ's spirit toward our common
goal of oneness in Christ.
(Now, if
any of this discourse has left you dealing with guilt please
go back and read the first paragraph of this chapter)
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