The idea that a "perfect" marriage can exist between two imperfect human beings seems to be an idea in obvious conflict with itself. But that idea's prevalent in the minds of many people caught up in the magic of what many think of when hopelessly bitten by the "love" bug. The euphoria that may exist in the beginning of a marriage however, is eventually forced to face the realities of the world we live in and the inevitable flaws that exist in not only our marriage partners, but in ourselves. Those things can begin to wear on that euphoria and the opportunities to make poor choices and bad decisions are all around us, inviting the chance for conflict and division. In the midst of all of those things, unguarded moments present opportunities to leave battle scars on a sacred relationship.
It's in those moments when the euphoria wears thin and commitment is challenged... that the opportunity for real, actual, and abiding love to show itself is exposed.
"When couples stand at the altar and take their vows, the euphoria of the moment sometimes numbs them to the magnitude of their promises... then real life happens. It calls on us to make good on our promise to love “for better or worse,” to let go of what we hoped marriage would be — to know and be known for who we are, including the burdens we bring into our homes." - Joshua Rogers
The Online Dictionary defines the word unity as "the state of being united or joined as a whole." It defines unity mathematically as "The number one."
Merriam Webster defines it as "the quality or state of not being multiple : ONENESS".
In reference to marriage, the bible first mentions the act of two being united into one in the book of Genesis when the LORD instituted marriage shortly after creating man. God created man in His own image, but with some obvious differences. One of those differences being that though God is complete in His holiness - lacking nothing, we were created by design to be incomplete without Him, which explains why some in the world spend their entire lives searching for that one thing needed to complete them. On the other hand, we're like Him in that we desire companionship - someone to share our lives and our love with. Knowing this and to accommodate man's desire for human companionship while here on earth, the Lord made provision as stated in chapter 2 of Genesis - both giving him a companion and instituting marriage between them at the same time.
Genesis 2:18 -24 (NLT) says...
18 "Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."...
The Lord Jesus repeats the words of this last verse later in Matthew 19:6 (NLT) in the new testament but adds to it, saying "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”...
Mathew Henry, an English Pastor and biblical commentator who lived in the late 16 and early 1700's, pointed out that “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him,... nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him,... but out of his side to be equal with him,... under his arm to be protected,...and near his heart to be beloved.” ... I believe that Matthew Henry was correct...
I also believe that "Oneness" can only be sustained when true selfless devotion is reciprocal and the commitment of both to the unity of their relationship and marriage is unwavering... and unable to be deterred... And since unity among imperfect human beings is always vulnerable, it has to be constantly guarded, defended and protected.
One of the greatest potential weaknesses it must defend against can be found in the mouths of the very two being united. Our brother James alludes to it In the 3rd chapter of the book of James. He said the following:
"3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire..." James 3:5-6 (NLT)
Unity prospers when we remember that words once spoken can be forgiven... but once they've left our tongue - they can't be unheard.
The true blending of two into becoming one is a very special thing. The individuals may have and retain unique qualities that compliment them together as they become one entity, ...but it requires both parties to equally commit to follow the Lord's instructions for successful unity throughout scripture - following them continually and together in order to become one in spirit... A truly successful marriage - the true merging of lives, hearts and spirit, doesn't allow for the two to exist as individual entities any longer. It requires that the two become one in their consideration and treatment of each other - each putting the other first... the same way that Christ did for us.
Unfortunately, there's evidence all around us in the world that a marriage ceremony itself doesn't create unity or oneness. The act of becoming "One" in marriage is a process that requires both parties to participate - working together in order to create true unity. Because we're human beings with flaws, unity isn't a one time and done job. It requires continual maintenance over the life of the relationship in order to progress toward increased growth and stability... It's a process that requires humility,... a forgiving heart,... a positive hope... and a commitment that doesn't allow for any option other than continued growth and the successful merging into "one". That's a process that gets aborted far too often by one or both parties... and that usually ends up in sad statistics and devastated hearts.
I don't stand in judgment of anyone having gone through a divorce. We can all be thankful for the Lord's forgiving grace for our own missteps and misjudgments... and I'm no exception. But I know at the same time, that marriage as our Lord intended it is a lifetime commitment and covenant and that anyone considering marriage should take that soberly to heart. I'm also confident that the most successful, happy marriages and true examples of unity will be the ones that reflect Christ's character at their core. The Apostle Peter understood this well and instructed husbands and wives accordingly.
Near the end of 1st Peter chapter 2, Peter recounts some of Christ's character... citing His patience, ...righteousness,... honesty,... humility,... grace,... trust in God and selflessness. Traits of Christ's character were all truthfully pointed out in that passage including His willingness to sacrifice Himself in our place. But remembering that 1st Peter was written as one continuing letter, Peter goes on from those words in chapter 2, to begin to instruct both wives and husbands separately in chapter 3. He makes it his pointed expectation that their conduct should be the same as Christ's by beginning with the words "In the same way" as he started to speak to each one before giving them more specific instruction. He then begins to summarize with more general instructions applicable to both, beginning in verse 8 of chapter 3:
8 "Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. 9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. 10 For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. 11 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. 12 The eyes of the LORD watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the LORD turns his face against those who do evil.”
In a "Me First" and "Be True To Yourself" world, the idea of placing yourself second and being true to your spouse might find itself swimming upstream. But the reality is that the only perfect example we have to follow in this life did exactly that and it's in that example that we find true unity. Jesus placed us first over Himself to the point of volunteering and actually dying for us in order to save us from our own imperfections. He suffered excruciatingly in order make Himself a servant to us - willingly and out of actual love. That's being second and that's what love is. It's not some euphoric feeling that fades, it's a heart of sacrificial service and an abiding, undying commitment.
Marriage is a covenant, a sacred lifetime commitment and contract made in God's presence to live as one with another human being. In Father God's eyes they're now one - faced with the task of determining what it means to live as one. It's likely in the life of that sacred commitment that we may not be called to sacrifice our physical life for our spouse as Christ did for us - but whether we are or not, that heart of Christ is essential to any true possibility of a marriage lived out in true unity. Two imperfect human beings submitting together to the refining power of the Holy Spirit will find that same refining power in a marriage that becomes ever more an example of Christ's own heart. In this life and beyond there could be no greater honor than to be found as a true example of Christ's own heart - the perfect example of actual, true and abiding love... and what it means to be second.
With good and willing hearts and having Christ as both the cornerstone, example and center of their marriage, I have no doubt that any couple can succeed in achieving... the unity of one and to each, the honor of being second.
It's in those moments when the euphoria wears thin and commitment is challenged... that the opportunity for real, actual, and abiding love to show itself is exposed.
"When couples stand at the altar and take their vows, the euphoria of the moment sometimes numbs them to the magnitude of their promises... then real life happens. It calls on us to make good on our promise to love “for better or worse,” to let go of what we hoped marriage would be — to know and be known for who we are, including the burdens we bring into our homes." - Joshua Rogers
The Online Dictionary defines the word unity as "the state of being united or joined as a whole." It defines unity mathematically as "The number one."
Merriam Webster defines it as "the quality or state of not being multiple : ONENESS".
In reference to marriage, the bible first mentions the act of two being united into one in the book of Genesis when the LORD instituted marriage shortly after creating man. God created man in His own image, but with some obvious differences. One of those differences being that though God is complete in His holiness - lacking nothing, we were created by design to be incomplete without Him, which explains why some in the world spend their entire lives searching for that one thing needed to complete them. On the other hand, we're like Him in that we desire companionship - someone to share our lives and our love with. Knowing this and to accommodate man's desire for human companionship while here on earth, the Lord made provision as stated in chapter 2 of Genesis - both giving him a companion and instituting marriage between them at the same time.
Genesis 2:18 -24 (NLT) says...
18 "Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."...
The Lord Jesus repeats the words of this last verse later in Matthew 19:6 (NLT) in the new testament but adds to it, saying "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”...
Mathew Henry, an English Pastor and biblical commentator who lived in the late 16 and early 1700's, pointed out that “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him,... nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him,... but out of his side to be equal with him,... under his arm to be protected,...and near his heart to be beloved.” ... I believe that Matthew Henry was correct...
I also believe that "Oneness" can only be sustained when true selfless devotion is reciprocal and the commitment of both to the unity of their relationship and marriage is unwavering... and unable to be deterred... And since unity among imperfect human beings is always vulnerable, it has to be constantly guarded, defended and protected.
One of the greatest potential weaknesses it must defend against can be found in the mouths of the very two being united. Our brother James alludes to it In the 3rd chapter of the book of James. He said the following:
"3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire..." James 3:5-6 (NLT)
Unity prospers when we remember that words once spoken can be forgiven... but once they've left our tongue - they can't be unheard.
The true blending of two into becoming one is a very special thing. The individuals may have and retain unique qualities that compliment them together as they become one entity, ...but it requires both parties to equally commit to follow the Lord's instructions for successful unity throughout scripture - following them continually and together in order to become one in spirit... A truly successful marriage - the true merging of lives, hearts and spirit, doesn't allow for the two to exist as individual entities any longer. It requires that the two become one in their consideration and treatment of each other - each putting the other first... the same way that Christ did for us.
Unfortunately, there's evidence all around us in the world that a marriage ceremony itself doesn't create unity or oneness. The act of becoming "One" in marriage is a process that requires both parties to participate - working together in order to create true unity. Because we're human beings with flaws, unity isn't a one time and done job. It requires continual maintenance over the life of the relationship in order to progress toward increased growth and stability... It's a process that requires humility,... a forgiving heart,... a positive hope... and a commitment that doesn't allow for any option other than continued growth and the successful merging into "one". That's a process that gets aborted far too often by one or both parties... and that usually ends up in sad statistics and devastated hearts.
I don't stand in judgment of anyone having gone through a divorce. We can all be thankful for the Lord's forgiving grace for our own missteps and misjudgments... and I'm no exception. But I know at the same time, that marriage as our Lord intended it is a lifetime commitment and covenant and that anyone considering marriage should take that soberly to heart. I'm also confident that the most successful, happy marriages and true examples of unity will be the ones that reflect Christ's character at their core. The Apostle Peter understood this well and instructed husbands and wives accordingly.
Near the end of 1st Peter chapter 2, Peter recounts some of Christ's character... citing His patience, ...righteousness,... honesty,... humility,... grace,... trust in God and selflessness. Traits of Christ's character were all truthfully pointed out in that passage including His willingness to sacrifice Himself in our place. But remembering that 1st Peter was written as one continuing letter, Peter goes on from those words in chapter 2, to begin to instruct both wives and husbands separately in chapter 3. He makes it his pointed expectation that their conduct should be the same as Christ's by beginning with the words "In the same way" as he started to speak to each one before giving them more specific instruction. He then begins to summarize with more general instructions applicable to both, beginning in verse 8 of chapter 3:
8 "Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. 9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. 10 For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. 11 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. 12 The eyes of the LORD watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the LORD turns his face against those who do evil.”
In a "Me First" and "Be True To Yourself" world, the idea of placing yourself second and being true to your spouse might find itself swimming upstream. But the reality is that the only perfect example we have to follow in this life did exactly that and it's in that example that we find true unity. Jesus placed us first over Himself to the point of volunteering and actually dying for us in order to save us from our own imperfections. He suffered excruciatingly in order make Himself a servant to us - willingly and out of actual love. That's being second and that's what love is. It's not some euphoric feeling that fades, it's a heart of sacrificial service and an abiding, undying commitment.
Marriage is a covenant, a sacred lifetime commitment and contract made in God's presence to live as one with another human being. In Father God's eyes they're now one - faced with the task of determining what it means to live as one. It's likely in the life of that sacred commitment that we may not be called to sacrifice our physical life for our spouse as Christ did for us - but whether we are or not, that heart of Christ is essential to any true possibility of a marriage lived out in true unity. Two imperfect human beings submitting together to the refining power of the Holy Spirit will find that same refining power in a marriage that becomes ever more an example of Christ's own heart. In this life and beyond there could be no greater honor than to be found as a true example of Christ's own heart - the perfect example of actual, true and abiding love... and what it means to be second.
With good and willing hearts and having Christ as both the cornerstone, example and center of their marriage, I have no doubt that any couple can succeed in achieving... the unity of one and to each, the honor of being second.
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