"This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." 1 Timothy 1:15-17 (NKJ)
If you know much about the life of Paul through scripture, you know how incredibly much the Holy Spirit revealed to Him to share with us, how God used him, and how faithfully Paul served Christ even through hardship and terrible trials. So when Paul said of himself that he is the chief of sinners ... many of us likely sat up and paid attention.
What would cause a man who confessed Christ so boldly in the face adversity, spoke the truth of God, and taught it so eloquently, to speak himself so harshly? I believe that it's quite simple - he had come to see himself clearly against the reflection of God's character.
I think most that have truthfully sought after God with an earnestness to know Him would agree that the further that we walk with Him, the more clearly we see Him . And it happens that the more clearly that we see Him ... the more clearly that we see ourselves against the perfection of His character. The Holy Spirit brings these things to our attention in the process of sanctification as we submit ourselves continually to His refinement of us.
I believe that this was the source of Paul's acknowledgment of himself. Given all of the good that God wrought both in and through the Apostle Paul and then seeing Paul's eventual, honest, personal assessment ... where does that leave any of us who have truly accepted Christ as Savior? It leaves us secure beneficiaries in the example in which Christ used Paul to show us how far God's grace extends to us. We have no reason to be downcast, because as awful as Paul's earlier crimes against God were, Jesus was faithful to forgive him, and not only forgave him, but used him mightily to expand His church - even bringing the gospel of salvation through Christ to the gentiles. Jesus used Paul as an example to all of us.
"However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life."
I can't help but think that a truly repentant heart, having confessed and surrendered to Christ, is of course no longer under condemnation, but is not forgetting where it's come from either. If we forget where we've come from, under sin's terrible condemnation and sentence, then we risk forgetting the magnitude of what God has done at terrible cost to Himself to free us. If we forget, then we risk ceasing to be fruitfully grateful - continually delivering praise and thanks from a heart flowing with gratitude. I believe that in the act of continually expressing our gratitude for what He has eternally done, we draw continually near to our God and recognize that He is in fact our all-in-all. The children of Israel at times forgot the grace and mercy extended to them through their deliverance from Egypt by God's hand and repeatedly strayed from worshipping Him throughout their history. It became a subject of which they had to be reminded firmly more than once as they strayed horrifically at times.
Back to Paul though. Saul, as he had been known prior, had been a source of terror to God's people before Jesus confronted him on the road to Damascus and was on his way to inflict further damage when Christ intercepted him. Later, though Paul knew that he had been forgiven, he did not forget what he had been forgiven for. And further, as he became more and more familiar with the perfect character of our God, the greater the revelation grew of the stark difference between God's character and person, and his own. I believe this is an inescapable consequence of our spending time in the presence of perfection. The longer we spend time getting to know our most gracious God, as we walk in faithful relationship with Him, the more clearly we see Him. The more clearly that we see Him, the more clearly that we see ourselves and our imperfections against the unblemished facets of His character and person.
"For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." Romans 7:15 (NKJ)
SO what is it that has provided us such hope and joy? To what source do we owe unending gratitude for the eternal benefits we're promised to receive in spite of our imperfections? What stands to bridge the gap between the imperfection of man and the God of all perfection? We know it well and I suggest that our continual remembrance of it is a key to our more secure performance of what God requires of us as we travel through this place to the promised land beyond. The grace of God through Christ's merciful sacrifice on our behalf is what has saved us in spite of our imperfection if we have sincerely accepted it. Our own abilities and acts have absolutely no power to save us, so our only hope and our eternal joy are found in Our God's grace of mercy through Christ - The One who knows our imperfections and saves us in spite of them as we live remaining faithful to Him.
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 (NKJ)
The more we see and know of our God, the more it becomes evident that we could never be saved by attempting to meet the law and standards of our God. We were never intended to. We were intended to submit ourselves to what Paul termed as "God's secret plan" and should not lose heart as our imperfections are revealed, but look earnestly to the Holy Spirit to help us address them while thanking God all the more that we are covered by the security of His grace to us.
"But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corinthians 2:7-9 (NKJ)
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