Thinking About Marriage?

Thinking about getting married?

                                 ...There's a lot to think about.

As a follower of Christ considering the prospect of making that holy, lifelong covenant before Him, think about the order of your priorities and how they compare with Father God's. What would He say as your Father? Would He approve? Would He be able to bless your choices and priorities? If you care at all about your future path, you'd better to be able to say yes...

We make a lot of decisions and choices in life, but few are more core with the potential to have lifelong impact than the decision to join together as one with another human being. One of the quickest ways to create serious challenges for ourselves is to bind ourselves to someone that doesn't share our convictions and beliefs about Christ. There's nothing more core and central to our existence as our belief in our Father God and Christ His son. After all, that whole issue of faith in Christ and true relationship with our God is exactly the reason we're here. Nothing supersedes that in importance, so finding a life mate that shares those priorities should be at the very top of the list in our considerations.

When thinking about making that life altering decision, we should be mindful that anything we place higher in importance above our God is something we place at the risk of our correction... even our spouse! If we dare to do that, we're giving whatever or whoever it is, God's rightful status and place and we shouldn't ever expect to get away with it uncorrected, let alone find ourselves or our relationships blessed. We can make an idol out of any person, place or thing - giving it a higher priority than God does and create some serious trouble for ourselves. So as followers of Christ, we should put everything in submission to Him - everything ... and to the test of His approval.

Look at what He said to Israel and consider that as a child of God, it applies in context to you and I as well. We're no longer living under His wrath because of redemption and forgiveness through Christ, but we can still tie the hands that would bless us and create a cause for Him to correct us. Remember - He doesn't change...

Deuteronomy 6:14-18 (NLT)
14“You must not worship any of the gods of neighboring nations, 15 for the LORD your God, who lives among you, is a jealous God. His anger will flare up against you, and he will wipe you from the face of the earth. 16 You must not test the LORD your God as you did when you complained at Massah. 17 You must diligently obey the commands of the LORD your God—all the laws and decrees he has given you. 18 Do what is right and good in the LORD’s sight, so all will go well with you.

...So finding a life partner that shares our heart and concerns about the issues on God's heart is VERY important.

Next, somewhere in that list of considerations there should be some questions about ourselves and the person we might consider as a partner prospect. For example, it's unfortunately likely that we're all going to mess up at some point and time. How would we want our partner to handle those issues? Is that how we handle them? What do we want in a partner - how do we want them to treat us? Is that how we ourselves are willing to treat them? Are we thinking about what we want them to do for us... or rather what we're willing to do for them? If our lives as followers of Christ are devoted to reflecting Him, then we need to stop and take notice of who He is and the example that He lived here for us. We've professed to follow Christ, so are we willing to follow Him throughout every event of our marriage relationship?

1 Peter 2:21-23 (NLT)
21 "For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps. 22 He never sinned,nor ever deceived anyone. 23 He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly."

Let's be honest and fair minded about our considerations. Our marriages here are between two imperfect beings and life can be rough at times. So there will be challenges and imperfections that will rise up to test the strength of the commitment you're thinking about making, but that commitment in our God's eyes is intended to be for life. Are you clear eyed as you're thinking about your decision? Marriage isn't always bliss, sometimes it's hard work, forgiveness, humility and patience. Are you ready to accept that with equal commitment?

Worldly society has come to change it's view of divorce. In the world's view it seems to have become a convenient back door clause in marriage and for the most part, it's lost any of it's previous stigma. But as one of His children, remember that Father God's heart doesn't change...

Malachi 2:13-14 (NLT) 
13"Here is another thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the LORD accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

15 Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16“For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

He still hates divorce. You might ask why he created it then - He didn't. Moses did.

Mark 10:2-9 (NLT)  2 "Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” 4 “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”

5 But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. 6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. 7‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

To be clear, I don't stand in judgment or hold condemnation against any child of God who's gone through divorce - it' not my place. But if you understand Father God's tender heart, then you might realize that among the reasons that He hates divorce is the fact that it hurts and damages people that He dearly loves. Fathers, mothers, sons and daughters are all impacted in a variety of ways through those broken covenants. It does happen and for a variety of reasons these days, but it should never be assumed by one of His children that it isn't a serious matter before the Lord. Of course there's forgiveness available, along with healing and even restoration to found by those involved in a divorce, but divorce should never be taken lightly by a follower of Christ considering marriage. The marriage covenant made before the Lord is intended to be for life and should be entered into with joy, but also with sober and clear minded commitment.

I used to hold the theory that if each marriage partner put the other first, both would find their needs met by the other and their service and consideration in devotion to each other would help bind their relationship. I still think that's largely true, but since marriage involves imperfect humans, it also creates the potential for someone to feel shortchanged if their counterpart doesn't hold up their end of the bargain. So maybe we need to look at the example we were given to follow. Jesus lived the life of a selfless servant as He walked the earth. Are we really ready and willing to follow in those footsteps? To serve? To sacrifice? It may not come to the point of sacrifice, but would you be willing?

The world by and large, generally has a tendency to focus on what it can get for itself as a priority. It's self obsessed. But when we consider all that Jesus gave us, what did He get in return? I think considering marriage should be more an exercise of examining how much we're willing to give rather than assessing what we can get out of the arrangement if we're truly willing to follow in Christ's footsteps. There may be times in every marriage when falling back on comforting ourselves with the fact that we're following in those footsteps may be our biggest reward. Will we be content with that? Marriage isn't always constant bliss. It's story when written, may likely include hard work, sickness, disagreements, aging and other issues that human beings actually encounter in life. Are you prepared for that too? Are you willing to have a servant's heart during those times and still be content? 

In a marriage relationship pride can become a very quick and strong poison, but a true servant's heart is more consumed with the joy of serving and knowing that Father God honors this...

Matthew 23:11-12 (NLT)
11 "The greatest among you must be a servant. 12 But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

If we were to take just one human issue of life for a moment - disagreements, and ask ourselves how do we want our future spouse to handle them, do we ourselves handle them that way now? One of the easiest ways to do damage to a marriage relationship can be found in how we speak to each other in handling our disagreements. We're dealing with our closest ally next to the Lord and yet, there's a very good chance that opportunities for disagreement will come. But in those moments, letting pride in the door and beginning to speak to our partner as an adversary could quickly create one out of the very person we've committed to spend the rest of our lives with - and that's a long time. So check your heart, because what we say and how we say it in those moments is very important. I guarantee that if you peel away the layers of any argument, you'll find pride at the root. What we need to always remember in the ripest opportunity for an argument to break out is that harsh words can be forgiven, but once they've left our lips they can't be unheard.

Proverbs 15:1-2 (NLT) 1 "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. 2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness."

Proverbs 18:19 (NLT) "An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

We've all developed some habits in life. It's likely that there are some habits we've had some trouble trying to change in our own lives even when we wanted to. So imagine trying to change someone else's habits for them. They may not even want them changed. So how hard do you imagine that might be? If you have a partner prospect in mind, think about their habits and whether or not they're acceptable as they are. You may also want to think about whether those habits are acceptable to the Lord - you're thinking about enjoining yourself to them. Don't go into marriage thinking you're going to change them. There's a good chance that it won't work. You have a better chance of successfully changing your own habits to accommodate theirs.

For a moment, consider your own habits and who you are as a person. Does your dream mate like what you're able see in yourself, or is it time to make some changes? If you need to make some changes do it now, before you eventually send your dream mate running away, or worse yet, manage to get into a marriage relationship and find it even harder while trying to shoulder married life and it's responsibilities. As time goes on, all will become known between marriage partners and hidden defects and old secrets will eventually come bubbling to the surface unpleasantly. Just a few things to think about while thinking about marriage. 

Perhaps the best advice I can give a follower of Christ, thinking about marriage and possibly going forward, comes from another: 

Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)
12 "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful."

My best to you in Christ's love and may the Lord guide your steps always.


Micah 6:8 (NLT) "No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."