Note: If you've not had the opportunity to read the foreword or previous chapters and would like to, please look for the title of this writing under the "Blog Pages" tab above and click on it. You'll find what's available to date under that tab. jbh
The Passion Well
Chapter 11:
Divine Reconstruction
Following my stroke and all of the other events at play at the time, my wife and I lost everything. Everything we had worked so hard for - the house we lived in for over 25 years, the shiny new cars, the motor home, the once growing business ... everything went away. That may seem like a disaster to some, but as odd and contrary to conventional worldly societal wisdom as it may seem ... in the end, it was a matter of divine and compassionate grace.
***
Hebrews 12:6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
***
What happened was without any doubt or question in my mind or heart - a Fatherly intervention. You could refer to it as a trip to the heavenly woodshed, but I'll always prefer to call it an act of Fatherly love and correction. It didn't have to happen. It was the result of choices that I had made against what He'd already declared to be true and instructed with an expectation of my observant obedience. The natural result that should have been expected and anticipated if I am God's child? Given my current values, devotion and obedience at the time - yes. It could be said that it was the act of a father desperate to save the life of his child Being the faithful and loving Father that He is, Father God cared enough to allow my errant behavior and understandings to be corrected and my relationship with Him to become one of joyful and willful compliance.
"God has given each of us an individual temperament and distinct characteristics. Therefore it is the office of the Holy Spirit to work out as He will the details of Christian experience. They will vary with personality." A.W. Tozer
Before I found my knees (I was actually flat on my face) and truly surrendered completely during the earth shattering collapse of my little world, really getting close to God seemed risky. Based on the little I thought I knew, it seemed somewhat threatening to my status quo and could even cost me everything I enjoyed or held dear in sacrifice. All of the potential things that I might have to give up and the narrow, regimented lifestyle devoid of any fun or pleasure that I'd have to adopt to say nothing of the likely self effacement and humiliation I could face wasn't very appealing. What I've realized since is that how I'd thought about it then was completely backward. It was a lie. At the time I was trying to live with one foot on each side of the fence and as I've shared, it wasn't working out well for me. When things began to go sideways I called out to God for help ... and help came. It wasn't how I would have prescribed or expected with my eyes on the world, but it came faithfully and out of a heart of love for me.
The questions raised earlier by the employer/friend had nagged me from the time that he raised them and they remained mostly unanswered to my inner satisfaction until I had nothing left and no where to turn .. except for the last ditch option to come face to face with the God I'd only known previously on my own flagrantly flawed terms. When there was little left to fear losing, when I had no fear left for my reputation (because it was already in shambles), when resistance was gone, life had little left to offer and when there was no other hope ... I finally found the "It" my heart had been searching for.
***
Luke 16:13 (NLT)
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
***
We were created with holy intention from the beginning with an inherent and unrelenting inner desire for one "It", one master - our Creator. Most people know deep in their heart that they lack something - an "It" that they just can't seem to satisfy until "It's" found. Out in the world, "It" often becomes a nagging itch to be scratched or an unspecific longing that needs to be resolved in some way or another. The quest to find the "It" leads many people to attempt to fill the void left by "It's" absence in a huge variety of different ways. Most of those ways have some appeal to the sensory motivated desires of our flesh or the vanity of our humanity. Not all of them are necessarily related to money. Jesus referenced money in Luke 16:13, but "money" can easily be representative of anything that we allow to compete with the devotion, worship, gratitude and adoration that belong to the God that created us for His own pleasure. In all that exists, by divine design, there's only one thing that fits in that empty space, only one thing that truly, fully and permanently satisfies completely. And by His grace I found it ... He brought me face to face with Himself.
Before the crash that left me no where else to turn, I'd let my life vision become clouded by priorities, goals and desires other than my Creator and I took the credit for received blessings and things that rightly belonged to Him. I had become proud of "my" accomplishments. I took pride in physical strength, agility, tenacity, knowledge, skill and I began to think of myself more highly than I should have without acknowledging where those things came from. I'd also become envious of things that other people had that we weren't able to afford for so long - apparently expecting that those things would some how become the substitute or satisfying resolution to the "It" that I was missing.
I was drifting down a path that would have eventually led me to places that only He could see, but most certainly away from the doting Father who has always loved me dearly. Not willing to bear the loss of my fellowship, He removed my pride and everything that I'd placed above or in competition with Him. He showed me my weakness without Him and in His restoration of me and my house, proved His still patient and unwavering love for me. He patiently waited until the time was right and then He brought me back to meet Him right where I'd left Him.
What human being dares to steal what rightly belongs to a God who controls not only the forces of nature with a whisper, but reigns sovereign over everything within the boundaries of this universe that He Himself created? What human in their right mind, would at the same time knowingly ignore that same awesomely powerful God - setting Him in rank below the pursuit of perishing human junk and interests? Who would treat the God who holds the power of life and death in His hand in such an insolent and shamefully disrespectful way?
The answer... (wait ... for ... it) ... : sadly and regrettably, of course... it had once been me.
The truth is that even the slightest failure against God's holy standard carries the same just and eternal reward. But with that in mind when I look at what I consciously know of my own list of failures against that standard and realize that even though my Lord knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb, He still chose to give me life. And after all that I've done and all that I've been guilty of since, He welcomed me passionately with open arms when I finally met Him in complete surrender, forgiving all of the past... and I found "It".
***
Luke 15:17-24 (NLT)
17 "But when he came to himself he said, "How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands." ' 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. 21 Then the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' 22 But the father said to his slaves, "Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; 24 for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!"
***
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The Passion Well
Chapter 11:
Divine Reconstruction
“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us. ” A.W. Tozer
They're worthy things to ponder - God's purpose for the life that He's given us, the depth of His hand in them and whether or not we're realizing the fullness of what He's really inviting us into...
I knew some things about God and had experienced Him in my life at times, but I confess that I spent a lot of my earlier life not really "knowing" Him much at all. I was a bookworm and spent a lot of time alone reading. I'd read quite a bit of the bible at an early age, but the King James my parents had given me was a little difficult for me to understand at the time. Without any other knowledgeable input at the time, I came away self taught - having learned some things about what a number of people suffered when they made God angry and a purely fearful interpretation took residence. Years of fearful self condemnation followed, compounded by my own stubbornly recurring imperfections and were gleefully supported at intervals by the enemy of my soul who would relish the idea of seeing me fail eternally ... But God.
It took the intervention of my faithful Father over time to show me that there was more to that story and to resolve that deeply ingrained, self educated fear and bring it into a different and true understanding that included the presence and depth of available grace. As He continued to train and raise me up throughout the course of this life, I eventually came to realize that having learned some things about Him wasn't near enough and that it barely even begins to scratch the surface of what He desires and makes available to us. There's a big difference between knowing something about someone and entering the relational process that allows you to begin to actually know them intimately.
In my own opinion, when applying this thought to our Sovereign Lord, the difference in many cases between knowing some things about and actually knowing Him couldn't be greater. I may have known some things about Him, but Instead of having the diligence and the courage to invest my whole self and all attachments in life to know Him intimately, I settled for some basic knowledge about Him. I made foolish attempts to formulate my own judgments and opinions in order to fill in the blanks and gaps in my fragmented knowledge and understanding of Him and I ran with them. This is not an uncommon mistake in the modern day that carries a multitude of potential consequences with it ... and none of them that I've experienced have ever been positive.
Fragmented knowledge and my own conclusions had once nearly cost me my life in a moment of ignorant despair and I recognized that, but it sadly wasn't enough to stir me out of my lethargic approach to my relationship with my God and what He's had to say. It took far longer than it should have, but that event coupled with a past friend's accusations and the glaring scriptural quotes continually taken out of context by some over time eventually brought me to realize both how potent and wide the danger is in the passive knowledge and treatment of scripture.
As a young teen in the environment of the Christian school that I mentioned earlier, I was given a piece of advice by one of the staff members that fortunately stuck with me. It took years before I came to the point of fully implementing it, but like a perennial seed buried in the warm earth it eventually sprouted and grew to bear fruit. It's advice that I'd give to anyone today even in reference to any of my own humbly offered words. It went something like this: "Never just take another persons word for what God's word is telling you. Read it for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to give you understanding of it."
With all of the many religious gimmicks and spun interpretations that I've heard over the years (allegedly gleaned from the very pages of the bible), I've come to realize regrettably much later in life rather than earlier, the highly valuable wisdom of that advice. As imperfect men of flesh continue to interpret what God has said, there will likely be some that will render those interpretations in some light that gives them some personal advantage or do some injustice to the fullness of the truth. Someone without personal and full familiarity with God's word could be at a distinct disadvantage to know the difference and therefore more easily deceived. Jesus' own words regarding the things to come in the latter days of the earth make this a real concern even for His own followers:
Matthew 24:24 "For false messiahs and false prophets will rise up and perform great signs and wonders so as to deceive, if possible, even God’s chosen ones."
Our defense against deception, at least in part, is dependent on our own diligence to become familiar with not only scripture, but also the Holy Spirit who gives us understanding and bears witness to the truth. It was a lack of understanding earlier in life that led me to believe that I couldn't be forgiven of all of my misdeeds and that allowed me to be overcome with hopelessness and despair. It was a despair deep enough to make me want to end my own life at only seventeen and one that only Father God's intervention of grace would overcome. What a joy to discover that Christ's forgiving grace doesn't have an expiration date or limitation for those who truly belong to Him!
But aside from the obvious beneficial defense against any possible misinterpretation or misuse of God's word that we might encounter in the world, there lies another potential benefit that continually yields an unending harvest. For myself, the act of reading the bible in its entirety and continuing to reread it, has been the key to beginning to not only know something about, but to begin to much more widely "understand" some things about our Father God. It's opened the door to beginning to truly relate to Him.
As you've witnessed earlier, my own recklessness and refusal to submit completely in trusting faith to the Fatherly hand that was raising me up, dictated what was necessary to bring about my compliance with His instruction and my submission to His authority over me. Like a wholly good and responsible father, Father God, knowing the importance of what was at stake, cared enough to correct this wayward child out of love. Through His grace, I can see and understand that now.
They're worthy things to ponder - God's purpose for the life that He's given us, the depth of His hand in them and whether or not we're realizing the fullness of what He's really inviting us into...
I knew some things about God and had experienced Him in my life at times, but I confess that I spent a lot of my earlier life not really "knowing" Him much at all. I was a bookworm and spent a lot of time alone reading. I'd read quite a bit of the bible at an early age, but the King James my parents had given me was a little difficult for me to understand at the time. Without any other knowledgeable input at the time, I came away self taught - having learned some things about what a number of people suffered when they made God angry and a purely fearful interpretation took residence. Years of fearful self condemnation followed, compounded by my own stubbornly recurring imperfections and were gleefully supported at intervals by the enemy of my soul who would relish the idea of seeing me fail eternally ... But God.
It took the intervention of my faithful Father over time to show me that there was more to that story and to resolve that deeply ingrained, self educated fear and bring it into a different and true understanding that included the presence and depth of available grace. As He continued to train and raise me up throughout the course of this life, I eventually came to realize that having learned some things about Him wasn't near enough and that it barely even begins to scratch the surface of what He desires and makes available to us. There's a big difference between knowing something about someone and entering the relational process that allows you to begin to actually know them intimately.
In my own opinion, when applying this thought to our Sovereign Lord, the difference in many cases between knowing some things about and actually knowing Him couldn't be greater. I may have known some things about Him, but Instead of having the diligence and the courage to invest my whole self and all attachments in life to know Him intimately, I settled for some basic knowledge about Him. I made foolish attempts to formulate my own judgments and opinions in order to fill in the blanks and gaps in my fragmented knowledge and understanding of Him and I ran with them. This is not an uncommon mistake in the modern day that carries a multitude of potential consequences with it ... and none of them that I've experienced have ever been positive.
Fragmented knowledge and my own conclusions had once nearly cost me my life in a moment of ignorant despair and I recognized that, but it sadly wasn't enough to stir me out of my lethargic approach to my relationship with my God and what He's had to say. It took far longer than it should have, but that event coupled with a past friend's accusations and the glaring scriptural quotes continually taken out of context by some over time eventually brought me to realize both how potent and wide the danger is in the passive knowledge and treatment of scripture.
As a young teen in the environment of the Christian school that I mentioned earlier, I was given a piece of advice by one of the staff members that fortunately stuck with me. It took years before I came to the point of fully implementing it, but like a perennial seed buried in the warm earth it eventually sprouted and grew to bear fruit. It's advice that I'd give to anyone today even in reference to any of my own humbly offered words. It went something like this: "Never just take another persons word for what God's word is telling you. Read it for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to give you understanding of it."
With all of the many religious gimmicks and spun interpretations that I've heard over the years (allegedly gleaned from the very pages of the bible), I've come to realize regrettably much later in life rather than earlier, the highly valuable wisdom of that advice. As imperfect men of flesh continue to interpret what God has said, there will likely be some that will render those interpretations in some light that gives them some personal advantage or do some injustice to the fullness of the truth. Someone without personal and full familiarity with God's word could be at a distinct disadvantage to know the difference and therefore more easily deceived. Jesus' own words regarding the things to come in the latter days of the earth make this a real concern even for His own followers:
Matthew 24:24 "For false messiahs and false prophets will rise up and perform great signs and wonders so as to deceive, if possible, even God’s chosen ones."
Our defense against deception, at least in part, is dependent on our own diligence to become familiar with not only scripture, but also the Holy Spirit who gives us understanding and bears witness to the truth. It was a lack of understanding earlier in life that led me to believe that I couldn't be forgiven of all of my misdeeds and that allowed me to be overcome with hopelessness and despair. It was a despair deep enough to make me want to end my own life at only seventeen and one that only Father God's intervention of grace would overcome. What a joy to discover that Christ's forgiving grace doesn't have an expiration date or limitation for those who truly belong to Him!
But aside from the obvious beneficial defense against any possible misinterpretation or misuse of God's word that we might encounter in the world, there lies another potential benefit that continually yields an unending harvest. For myself, the act of reading the bible in its entirety and continuing to reread it, has been the key to beginning to not only know something about, but to begin to much more widely "understand" some things about our Father God. It's opened the door to beginning to truly relate to Him.
As you've witnessed earlier, my own recklessness and refusal to submit completely in trusting faith to the Fatherly hand that was raising me up, dictated what was necessary to bring about my compliance with His instruction and my submission to His authority over me. Like a wholly good and responsible father, Father God, knowing the importance of what was at stake, cared enough to correct this wayward child out of love. Through His grace, I can see and understand that now.
***
Hebrews 12:6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
***
What happened was without any doubt or question in my mind or heart - a Fatherly intervention. You could refer to it as a trip to the heavenly woodshed, but I'll always prefer to call it an act of Fatherly love and correction. It didn't have to happen. It was the result of choices that I had made against what He'd already declared to be true and instructed with an expectation of my observant obedience. The natural result that should have been expected and anticipated if I am God's child? Given my current values, devotion and obedience at the time - yes. It could be said that it was the act of a father desperate to save the life of his child Being the faithful and loving Father that He is, Father God cared enough to allow my errant behavior and understandings to be corrected and my relationship with Him to become one of joyful and willful compliance.
"God has given each of us an individual temperament and distinct characteristics. Therefore it is the office of the Holy Spirit to work out as He will the details of Christian experience. They will vary with personality." A.W. Tozer
Before I found my knees (I was actually flat on my face) and truly surrendered completely during the earth shattering collapse of my little world, really getting close to God seemed risky. Based on the little I thought I knew, it seemed somewhat threatening to my status quo and could even cost me everything I enjoyed or held dear in sacrifice. All of the potential things that I might have to give up and the narrow, regimented lifestyle devoid of any fun or pleasure that I'd have to adopt to say nothing of the likely self effacement and humiliation I could face wasn't very appealing. What I've realized since is that how I'd thought about it then was completely backward. It was a lie. At the time I was trying to live with one foot on each side of the fence and as I've shared, it wasn't working out well for me. When things began to go sideways I called out to God for help ... and help came. It wasn't how I would have prescribed or expected with my eyes on the world, but it came faithfully and out of a heart of love for me.
The questions raised earlier by the employer/friend had nagged me from the time that he raised them and they remained mostly unanswered to my inner satisfaction until I had nothing left and no where to turn .. except for the last ditch option to come face to face with the God I'd only known previously on my own flagrantly flawed terms. When there was little left to fear losing, when I had no fear left for my reputation (because it was already in shambles), when resistance was gone, life had little left to offer and when there was no other hope ... I finally found the "It" my heart had been searching for.
***
Luke 16:13 (NLT)
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
***
We were created with holy intention from the beginning with an inherent and unrelenting inner desire for one "It", one master - our Creator. Most people know deep in their heart that they lack something - an "It" that they just can't seem to satisfy until "It's" found. Out in the world, "It" often becomes a nagging itch to be scratched or an unspecific longing that needs to be resolved in some way or another. The quest to find the "It" leads many people to attempt to fill the void left by "It's" absence in a huge variety of different ways. Most of those ways have some appeal to the sensory motivated desires of our flesh or the vanity of our humanity. Not all of them are necessarily related to money. Jesus referenced money in Luke 16:13, but "money" can easily be representative of anything that we allow to compete with the devotion, worship, gratitude and adoration that belong to the God that created us for His own pleasure. In all that exists, by divine design, there's only one thing that fits in that empty space, only one thing that truly, fully and permanently satisfies completely. And by His grace I found it ... He brought me face to face with Himself.
Before the crash that left me no where else to turn, I'd let my life vision become clouded by priorities, goals and desires other than my Creator and I took the credit for received blessings and things that rightly belonged to Him. I had become proud of "my" accomplishments. I took pride in physical strength, agility, tenacity, knowledge, skill and I began to think of myself more highly than I should have without acknowledging where those things came from. I'd also become envious of things that other people had that we weren't able to afford for so long - apparently expecting that those things would some how become the substitute or satisfying resolution to the "It" that I was missing.
I was drifting down a path that would have eventually led me to places that only He could see, but most certainly away from the doting Father who has always loved me dearly. Not willing to bear the loss of my fellowship, He removed my pride and everything that I'd placed above or in competition with Him. He showed me my weakness without Him and in His restoration of me and my house, proved His still patient and unwavering love for me. He patiently waited until the time was right and then He brought me back to meet Him right where I'd left Him.
What human being dares to steal what rightly belongs to a God who controls not only the forces of nature with a whisper, but reigns sovereign over everything within the boundaries of this universe that He Himself created? What human in their right mind, would at the same time knowingly ignore that same awesomely powerful God - setting Him in rank below the pursuit of perishing human junk and interests? Who would treat the God who holds the power of life and death in His hand in such an insolent and shamefully disrespectful way?
The answer... (wait ... for ... it) ... : sadly and regrettably, of course... it had once been me.
The truth is that even the slightest failure against God's holy standard carries the same just and eternal reward. But with that in mind when I look at what I consciously know of my own list of failures against that standard and realize that even though my Lord knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb, He still chose to give me life. And after all that I've done and all that I've been guilty of since, He welcomed me passionately with open arms when I finally met Him in complete surrender, forgiving all of the past... and I found "It".
***
Luke 15:17-24 (NLT)
17 "But when he came to himself he said, "How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands." ' 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. 21 Then the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' 22 But the father said to his slaves, "Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; 24 for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!"
***
If the page appears blank and you don't see the post that you're looking for, please scroll up.
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