In the darkness, I’m comfortably warm in my bed. The day’s
issues have been addressed and the day’s conversations have come to a close.
They’re not even in my mind right now and it’s time to rest. But as I lay
quietly, I can’t let it go. I can’t quiet my heart and let it be over. My joy
and the intimacy are too compelling and inviting to let it end now. So I press
on quietly. Not wanting wake my precious wife, I whisper quietly mouthing the
words that spring from my heart under my breath - wanting, needing the
conversation to continue.
“Lord, you are indeed the God of all that is good and truly
holy. There is no one Lord who is worthy to stand to compare with the greatness
of even your mere shadow. Your breath gives us life! You are the source of all
that we need and our heart’s true desire. You are our sole provider, our
defender and our security. You are my great and wise counselor and most
intimate confidant. Lord, I can trust you for anything. You are awesome and my greatest joy and I, am your grateful child
…” on and on it goes.
What’s happening is a frequent occurrence that sometimes
lasts for hours, but I always wake up refreshed. I may have just prayed earlier
at the end of the day expecting that the exchange would be my last conversation
with Him for that day. But His Spirit meets me there and suddenly I’m
overwhelmed. He’s near and my heart swells at His close presence and I can’t
hold back my joy. My body’s tired, but my heart’s doing cartwheels and I can’t
deny myself this moment in His presence …
I’ve always been full of life. In my younger years I lived
hard and fast. I was an overly aggressive provider, a leader and a man among
men. My wife and I are nearly at the end of raising our seven children and are
blessed by many beautiful grandchildren. During all of this He’s seen me
through early addictions, destructive relationships, a suicide attempt, car
crashes, deaths that rocked us, a devastating house fire, relationship
struggles, construction site mishaps, a simultaneous triple stroke and so many
life calamities, trials and heart breaking disappointments that I couldn’t
possibly list them all here.
My point? My point is that He saw me through all of it. He was
always there … and He always will be. During those times He raised me, loved,
blessed, spanked, taught, corrected and counseled me through all of it and
always to my benefit. Sounds like the ultimate Father doesn’t it? There’s a
reason for that – He is! Consequently, there’s no one I trust more and no one I
could possibly ever love more.
Does this mean that I now do everything right? The Lord
Himself is my greatest witness – no! I’m a disciple similar to any other. I’m
flawed, but my love for Him draws me continually to work to change my heart and
mind into an image that’s more compatible to having a closer relationship with
Him. This is something I can’t do by myself – and He’s known that from the
beginning. He loves me anyway - just as I am and continues help me conform more
and more into His own image patiently and tenderly. Sometimes, but not always,
those changes come through trials or challenges that I must face in order to
learn and or change. It may sometimes involve pain, but birthing a new
creature sometimes does and in the end it has worthwhile rewards.
All of these things I’ve mentioned to paint a picture of two
inseparable beings in a love relationship that’s only grown increasingly
stronger over the years – to such a point that my heart thrills excitedly every
time I feel Him near. Because if you don’t experience this kind of relationship
with our Lord, I want you to know that you’re missing something – the greatest
thing that you could ever hope for in this life. Close kinship and loving
relationship with the one God who created everything. If you are missing out, then
realize that the blame is on you … because He’s been waiting for you the whole
time. He doesn’t care about blame, only that He finds your heart seeking His.
Seek Him out sincerely … and you’ll certainly find Him.
The results will be that you’ll find the one thing that your heart’s been
longing for from the day you were born … and you’ll never be the same again …
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